SARAH enters the fancy [French Name] restaurant.
Maitr'de: Good evening miss, do you have a reservation.
Sarah: No, well yes. I'm here for the Speed Dating event, actually.
Maitr'de looks at her strangely.
Maitr'de: Really? You? Well, right this way miss.
They walk over to a doorway, he hands Sarah a sheet.
Maitr'de: Here is your checklist of names.
Sarah: Um, I think there's been a mistake. These names don't look right.
Maitr'de: Well, it is Speed Dating, which, correct me if I am wrong, does not include one being so picky about who the other patrons are.You must know what you are getting yourself into, if you are desperate enough to come to this insane event.
He walks away as she says
Sarah: What's so insane about trying to find love?
Sarah looks down at the names on her list – Henriques the Englishman, Captain Jackman and Walker D. Plank.
Sarah: Those are strange names, though.
She takes a seat at her table. HENRIQUES the Englishman appears in front of her. He’s a younger looking man with a patch over his left eye. He sits down across from her.
HENRIQUES:(smiling) Ya know, I may only have one eye, but I see you’re a catch.
SARAH: (confused) Um…thank you…I guess…(Trying to be positive) What…happened to your eye?
HENRIQUES: I lost it…in battle…I seized the Dirty Servant.
Henriques smirks and raises his eyebrows at her twice. He nods in approval of himself. Sarah stares at him in disgust.
HENRIQUES: She was vicious, but eventually I had her….
SARAH: Okay, ya know what… it’s time for you to go. (She whispers to herself, disgusted) Pig…
Captain Jackman, a younger man in his 30s wearing a black pirate hat with a skull and crossbones on it sits down across from her.
CAPTAIN JACKMAN: What a fine lass you are.
Sarah: (Pleased) Well, thank you, that’s sweet.
Captain Jackman: I’d take you for my booty…
Captain Jackman laughs a bit and smiles. Sarah raises her eyebrows at him.
SARAH: Excuse Me?
CAPTAIN JACKMAN:(still smiling) You’re the goods me’ dear.
SARAH: Ugh! Another one! I can’t believe this!
Sarah stands up from her table and pushes Captain Jackman way across the table.
SARAH: (furiously) These goods are not for sale!
Captain Jackman: (As he walks away) What a feisty wench.
Sarah sits back down again as WALKER D. PLANK, a portly gentleman with a long, black beard approaches the table. He smiles.
WALKER D. PLANK: Yo-ho-ho…
Sarah opens her mouth wide in a furry of disbelief and anger. She quickly rises from her chair and SLAPS him across the face.
Sarah: You’re all disgusting! You’re delinquents, you’re delinquents!!
Horrified, she goes back to the front door and the valet, and sees a normally dressed man, HOWARD.
Sarah: Oh my God, I can't believe those people, can you? I thought this was a going to be a normal dating experience. (Attempting to be seductive) You must have been mistaken too.
Howard: No, no I wasn't. I wouldn't want anything else at Pirate Enthusiast Speed Dating.
A WOMAN dressed as a pirate maid comes up and puts her arm around Howard. They walk through the front door as Sarah looks shellshocked. Walker D. Plank comes up behind Sarah and squeezes her butt.
Walker D. Plank: Arrr my pretty, I've come to commandeer your vessel and bring you to my port!
Sarah: EWWWWWWW!!
She runs through the front door with Walker D. Plank after her.
1 comment:
Well done, Anne.
I liked how you took the advice of the reading and created a far-fetched situation.
In fact, I wondered if it maybe wouldn't also work to have a pirate looking for love via speed dating with normal people, instead of the normal person looking for love with pirates. I think the sketch works better if the pirates are somehow "real" (or at least believe they are).
In any event, I chuckled throughout. You really get the idea of what is engaging and humorous.
Kudos.
Jack
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